When Did We Start Caring About NFL Kickers?
This is the most Americans have ever cared about kickers in the history of football. One professional kicker is being used by a certain political party to create outrage against the other side’s perceived attack on religion and freedom of speech. Another kicker allegedly got drunk and sexually assaulted two flight attendants while traveling with his team after a game. They say things come in threes, so what’s next? An NFL kicker grooming high school kickers while running a sexual trafficking and drug ring to control who enters and leaves the NFL kicker fraternity?
Look, I’m not here to argue whether what Harrison Butker said is right or wrong. Obviously, he said things that would upset some women. Especially those on the verge of earning their degree to enter the workforce. These same things may have also been embraced by some sitting in the crowd. People are allowed to have varying views. One person’s belief doesn’t mean yours is at stake. Stop trying to force your beliefs onto others. It’s never worked in the history of the world. That approach has only caused death and destruction.
Most importantly, what kind of lame college invites a kicker to speak at a graduation? Why does anyone care about what a kicker said at a college, in a tree, or even anywhere?
Kickers aren’t real football players. They look nothing like the other men in their sport and they barely see the field. Whenever I watch a football game or attend a practice, I notice kickers are on the sidelines, looking down at their feet and stretching. Even during practice, they maybe kick fifty times in a few hours? The rest of the time they’re playing with grass.
How much does a kicker even play during a game? On average, an NFL game has about 10-15 kicking plays – field goals, extra points, and kickoffs – with each of these lasting five to ten seconds. Let’s give kickers the benefit of the doubt here. Fifteen plays for ten seconds each. Kickers would be on the field for 150 seconds per game. Two and a half minutes. Or about the average time for a kicker to reach climax.
I’m sure kickers aren’t paid too much with quarterbacks taking up most of NFL teams’ salaries. Kickers earn $860,000 on average per year.
Time on Field per Game: 150 seconds
Average NFL Kicker Salary: $860,000
Money Earned Per Second: $337 (roughly)
I should have been a kicker.
How much does single-income household Harrison Butker make? In 2024, Butker’s base salary is $3,945,000. He earns a workout bonus of $50,000 (whatever that means. Kickers workout?) Butker’s 2024 earnings? $3,995,000.
Time on Field per Game: 150 seconds
Total Cash Earnings for 2024: $3,995,000
Money Earned Per Second: $1,566.67 (roughly)
Money Earned Per Game: $117,646.50
Now, let’s break down Brandon McManus, the other kicker I mentioned in the intro, the one accused of being a creep and pervert on an NFL team flight.
Time on Field per Game: 150 seconds
Total Cash Earnings for 2023: $2,000,000
Money Earned Per Second: Around $784.31 (roughly)
Money Earned Per Game: $117,646.50
Not bad for less than three minutes of work.
I wonder how much college-educated women earn per second. Oh! Look, the internet can calculate that, too. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), the median annual earnings for women with a bachelor’s degree in 2023 is approximately $65,000. A typical 9 to 5 job equates to a forty-hour work week, but like anyone who has ever had a job, you never work just forty hours. There are 52 weeks in a year, so 40 hours/week times 52 weeks a year = 2,080 hours per year. Each hour has 3,600 seconds, so 2,080 hours a year times 3,600 seconds in an hour = 7,488,000 seconds a year.
Average Salary for a College-Educated Woman: $65,000 per year.
Total Work Hours per Year: 2,080 hours.
Total Work Seconds per Year: 7,488,000 seconds.
Money Earned Per Second: $0.0087 (roughly)
*Note: This calculation doesn’t include motherly or wifely duties, either.
Average Salary for a College-Educated Man: $80,000 per year
Total Work Hours per Year: 2,080 hours
Total Work Seconds per Year: 7,488,000 seconds
Money Earned Per Second: $0.0107 (roughly)
There’s one thing I’ve learned by doing these calculations. Kickers are the most overpaid men in the entire country. Maybe even in the world. Now, is a single income household feasible for American families who don’t kick an odd shaped ball for work?
According to the MIT Living Wage Calculator, the amount required to support a family with basic needs varies significantly by location. For instance, a family of four typically needs an income ranging from $60,000 to $80,000 annually in lower-cost areas, and upwards of $100,000 in higher-cost regions However, the data shows that only about 20-30% of households earn $100,000 or more annually, which is generally the threshold needed for a single-income household to sustain a comfortable living standard in most areas.
During his commencement speech, Harrison Butker said, “I’m on this stage, and able to be the man I am, because I have a wife who leans into her vocation.” Nah brah. It’s because you’re overpaid. By a significant amount. You can afford that single-income lifestyle. This is called entitlement. But Butker does have a point. The world is a stronger place when women lean into their vocation. This doesn’t necessarily mean being a wife or mother. Women can also be athletes, scientists, teachers, doctors, astronauts, and emergency responders.
Freedom of religion and freedom of speech are important pillars of true freedom. We shouldn’t demonize Butker for his views, but rather highlight how income equality has erased this option for most Americans. 70% of families can’t afford that stay-at-home wife life that Butker mentioned. There’s the problem. Freedom is a choice. And most Americans are shackled by low wages, harder work than kicking, and rising costs that price us out of this lifestyle.
If someone wants to be a mother and wife, they should have that ability. But women are also capable of making a difference in the world. What has an NFL kicker ever done for the world? Or this country?
A good kicker is grateful for the opportunity, keeps his mouth closed, and just hits field goals. That’s it. Just shut up and kick. If I need expert advice on how to kick a football, I’ll reach out. If I want advice on what’s best for a woman, I’ll ask a woman. But for the love of God, let’s stop caring what kickers say.