It's Time to Ban Businesses On Social Media

Social media monopoly, I mean organization, Meta just got hit with a $375 million fine in New Mexico for “found the company misled consumers about the safety of its platforms and enabled harm, including child sexual exploitation, against its users.”

The ruling proved Meta executives were fully aware of the dangers their platform and business model presented but chose profit over the protection of children. Meta didn't fail to protect kids. The company relied on children’s lack of knowledge and experience for the business model to succeed. That’s one of the most horrifying sentences I’ve ever written. Meta’s Suits allowed American children to get exploited for cash.

The fine Meta is facing? Laughable. Honestly, less than chump change for Meta, which is worth $1.5 trillion. Did you know how many times $375 million is 0.025% of $1.5 trillion? Not even chump change, more like half of a nickel. If the average American ($68,000 average salary) was fined 0.025% for sexual exploiting children and lying about safety features meant to protect children, it would cost $17.11. Fine seems a little light there for the crime New Mexico, no?

Social media was invented to connect people, not serve as a data harvesting tool for the highest bidder, which clearly includes child sex predators. In 2007, the connecting people business model changed with the creation of Facebook Ads. Helping people build a community or connect with old friends or family doesn’t produce profits. A tool meant to serve humanity became an addictive, algorithm-driven cash cow for business and social media executives in less than twenty years. Only in America.

An upcoming trial in May could force Meta/Facebook/Zuckerberg to completely change the company’s business model by removing addictive-commercial features that harm humans but give businesses invasive information to monetize. I’m looking at you, scumbag child sex traffickers. Unfortunately, I can’t hope the court takes the side of humanity on this one. With our judicial system seemingly turning more into a pay-to-play service, I have a better idea to solve this social media crisis.

Ban all businesses from social media.

Ban All Businesses from Social Media

Hear me out.

I could write a novel about the problems with social media. It’s addictive, harmful, and invasive. For everyone on it. We know that, but isn’t it odd that I know a certain burger chain is funny, while another one is quirky? Then there’s a fast-food joint that sticks to its storied history and traditional roots – considered timeless by consumers and the executives who thought of the branding. Why do I know that? How do I know that? Why does an inanimate object have personality?

Imagine this. You walk to work. You go to your first meeting. The objective? Developing a social media brand for a fast-food burger chain.

“We need to create a brand for Dilly Donovan’s,” your boss says. “What would Dilly Donovan be like? Is he funny? Is he sarcastic? Maybe he’s stoic and no nonsense.”

“I don’t know, Bob,” you say. “I think that I always get a hell of a cheeseburger whenever I go. I never really thought about a fast-food chain as a person.”

“But what emotions can we invoke in people? How should he interact with customers, potential customers and rival brands online? Does he comment and troll others?” Bob smiled when he emphasized ‘troll.’ I guess he impressed himself by understanding and correctly using the word.

“Dilly Donovan has to have a personality that connects with customers,” the branding expert says. “What would Dilly Donovan be like if he was real? What color scheme makes people feel happy when they see Dilly Donovan?”

Company mascots being brought to life in the name of preventing the world from a lack of delicious, microwaved mystery meat “cheeseburger” options. Creating a company’s social media brand can be very intoxicating when you’re inside of it. People have some pretty creative ideas, and in my experience, most of the good ones don’t make it to the public. But why can’t Dilly Donovan just serve food and leave me alone? If the food and customer service are good, I’ll be back. I don’t need to think of Dilly Donovan as the zany pirate with the best personality out of all the fast-food burger chains.

Business Social Media During COVID – Tone Deaf or Desperate?

The worst, but best example of the need to ban businesses from social media was during the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. Every business had to post an official “COVID Statement” that went something like this:

“Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this uncertain time. Here at (Business Name), our operations are still open. Here’s a 10% coupon to buy some stuff to purchase away your terror of living during a pandemic. Then they’d do some uncatchy play on words of their slogan or say whatever COVID hashtag was trending that day.”

That’s business speak for: “We’re all about to die. Buy some of our shit before you do. Because we care about you during this uncertain time, but we have profit margins and salaries to consider despite this global pandemic.”

I must have seen or gotten a thousand emails from corporations in my inbox or on my feed who used a pandemic as a customer touchpoint. America at its finest. It wasn’t all predatory as many in the communications industry were scrambling to justify their salaries in a world where money is God. Right before lockdowns were one of the most embarrassing moments in our country. Profits over people could be the subtitle for this era of America.

Why Do Businesses “Roast” Other Businesses Online?

Social media is tricky.

Understanding the landscape and walking on eggshells is required for many brands. All social media professionals are one misinterpreted post away from the unemployment line.  Saying the wrong thing can lead to a social media attack, which remains practically undefeated at getting social media pros fired.

Then there’s the whole businesses communicating with one another on social media. It’s weird. Wendy’s says something mean to McDonald’s. It goes viral and turned into a meme. Everyone is talking about the sick burn online asking for Wendy’s to “roast them next.” Free advertising for million- and billion-dollar companies. Why are corporations making jokes with each other on social media? What kind of capitalist, dystopian hell is this?!

Social media users share the corporation’s posts and talk about the personality of a fast-food chain.  And people say I don’t live in reality? Shit. What the fuck is this? Branding?

Branding. It’s who the business is at the core. Businesses are more than products and services for sale. They’re people. All businesses have a brand. Most Americans are trying to become their own brand. Almost half of all American professionals dedicate time daily or weekly to "active brand management” which includes optimizing social media, creating "thought leadership" posts, or curating their digital footprint). We’re becoming less human, and more business.

What About Social Media Jobs?

Now, the downside of banning businesses on social media. The loss of jobs for many brand consultants, social media managers, and marketing gurus. Some of the things that social media professionals post as brands are absolutely hilarious. These folks are amazing at their jobs, but still … there’s just something inherently evil about giving a corporation a personality.

Maybe instead of being social media managers for brands, they can be hired by the executives at these companies. The social media managers can give us a peek inside the lives of those who are American successes. The American Dream LIVE … from the office of corporate executives 24/7. Let, We the People, understand which causes and political campaigns each executive supports. I figure if we know more about the people running organizations, that’ll show the true “brand personality” of the company. Maybe we’d even get to see that Meta executive meeting where cash was chosen over protecting their customers, who also happen to be children. Child customers. Are you fucking kidding me? What is this world?  

Isn’t it strange that businesses become humanized on social media, but humans become vilified? A human posts something stupid from a place of ignorance and we bully and kick them out of society. Yet, social media organizations, which have been proven repeatedly to put profits over ethics, and in this case, Meta, created addictive interfaces, lied about safety features, and allowed children to be violated by grown adults for sex via Meta’s own products and services. The fine? The equivalent of $17.

Why such a small fine? LLC and corporation laws give businesses limited liability. America can only fine a company so much. No matter how awful and wrong their business practices. These laws also protect Meta’s executives’ personal bank accounts, homes, and futures remain untouched despite it being proven in court that these Meta executives’ behavior was unconscionable. That’s a legal term for behavior that was so heartless that it shocked the conscience of the court.

Only the company was fined because of American law not the human decision makers. Zero accountability. Funny, how when things go right, Suits take all the credit and profits, but when they’re caught being shady greedy heartless scumbags, they hide behind companies and outdated laws. Pathetic fucking cowards.

It’s not hard to understand why businesses need to get off social media. It’s a big leap that will never happen. Instead, maybe we should hold business executives responsible for their actions. Because a whole bunch of rich people just got away with a crime against humanity.